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tabitha renee
26 April 2013 @ 09:32 am
Today is my last day of school before finals! I made it through without bad things happening. Well, so far. I have one big presentation that I'm freaking out about, but I'm prepared for it... We've been working really hard lately. I also have a huge exam in Biology that I need to study for. I thought I'd hate biology, but it wasn't that bad. It was interesting, at least.

Next fall semester I'm taking:

  • Sociology

  • TE204 (a teaching class that's required)

  • Speech

I'm a bit nervous about speech, but I think if I try really hard I'll do great it in. I'm excited about sociology. It's really interesting to me, culture sociology anyway. I don't even know if that's a real 'part' of sociology, but still...

Getting off my anxiety medication is making me anxious. I couldn't function with the anxiety that I had before - how am I going to deal with it? I can't control it - it's of it's own 'mind'. I will talk to my therapist and psychiatrist, but.. I'm scared. I don't want to regress to what I was before - it was scary and pathetic.
tabitha renee
23 April 2013 @ 07:26 pm
Birthday was rather nice. I got a free soda because some girl got 3 sodas instead of just one. I also got a 12 cent raise, a candy bar, an AWESOME DOCTOR WHO POSTER and the next book in the Breathless Trilogy by Maya Banks - one of my favorite authors.

tabitha renee
18 April 2013 @ 07:18 am
Snow. Cold. Snow. Cold. I am done with this stupid weather. Go home snow, you're drunk...

Just a few more weeks of school. So close, yet so far. The only thing I am stressing out about is the presentation. It's not because we aren't prepared and doing well, it's because I hate presenting. I hate it so much. I don't even know exactly who I am presenting it to yet! I'll probably just bury myself into practicing my speaking parts to make myself feel better.

My birthday is next week. I hope the snow is gone by then. That would be depressing.

My new psychiatrist is switching me from my current medicine to Zoloft. She says it's better for the baby when I get pregnant than other medications. She also said it will not make me gain weight, like my current ones are. Hopefully the switch will help me lose weight and not hate myself every time I look in the mirror.
tabitha renee
14 April 2013 @ 06:35 am
I may be paranoid, but I'm getting worried that Thomas will get deployed. We know a few acquintances that have been deployed. I always worry that he'll be kicked out cause he won't exercise. We won't, I suppose, is the better term.

I've been more active than him, and without meds my weight may drop so...


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

tabitha renee
12 April 2013 @ 12:16 pm
I had a mental scare about a month ago. Include self harm and maybe some other thing, so it'll be under a cut.

Read more...Collapse )

I still struggle with the decision not to cut. I've had instances where I stared at razors at a store and thought about getting them. I haven't given in, though, and I think that's a positive thing. I still hate my body. Like, seriously, despise it. I don't want to look in the mirror. I barely make it through the day on campus without wanting to throw up or cry in a bathroom stall.

This isn't a medicinal issue, it seems to be a 'thinking' issue.

Therapy has turned into helping me figure out my body image. Last time we talked about what my issues were - like, we made a lit of things i hated and things I liked. After thinking for a while, I realized there was one thing i hated. MY weight, what shape I am. We had a lit of 10 thing that i decided were physically appealing about my looks. It was nice, really.

I'm trying. I told Thomas lat weekend. He took it surprisingly well. He didn't judge at all. He just said okay, and he was glad I told him. I cried in the shower afterward. I feel like we are on the same page, though, and it's a better 'place' than we have been lately.

Now that we're going to try to have a baby, I think I'll have a better..... motivation to stay healthy and help myself mentally, ya know?

that was long. i'm sorry. 
tabitha renee

We started talking about 'relationships' in health class. At first, I was all 'this is great - young college students should learn a few things about healthy relationships'. As the lesson went on, though, I changed my mind.

The first thing that annoyed me was that she pretty much discounted my relationship with my husband because we didn't know each other for a while before we decided to get married. We were talking about online dating and I stated that I met my husband online, chatting for four months, and then moved here for him. She said "I'm concerned about people who only know the person for 4 months, and then decide to get married, but it's their decision." She went on to say she hopes it works out, blah blah blah.

The girl sitting next to me in class (the next day) told me that she was sure the teacher was aiming it at me.

Another thing that annoyed me was the way she talked about 'different relationships'. She talked about friendships, sexual, and intimate (emotional/sexual) relationships. She commented again on the length of time spent with someone, and then she added "There are homosexual relationship. I'm concerned, but they are there."

My respect for her kind of fell to nothing. Now it's hard to focus in that class about relationships because she's making out that my relationship is unhealthy - not enough time spent before marriage, not being monogamous [we have talked about opening our marriage], and him wanting to know the time and place of where I am at all time.

It's annoying. I don't like that she is stating "If these are in your relationship, it won't lat and it's unhealthy".

That's my rant for the day. hello.

tabitha renee
02 April 2013 @ 09:19 am
I am really surprised no one really deleted me from their pages. I haven't posted in her since January. Lots of things are starting to happy, well, some things that I don't have anyone else to talk about to. Yet, anyway.

Hi! How are you guys?

- I'm doing good! Busy with school, work, and trying to stay active.

- My health class has really helped me get into working out a bit more. I do it 1 to 2 times a week. Considering I was really not doing ANYTHING before this, it's a lot. I'm also walking more, etc.

- I have 3 As and 1 B+ in my classes, so it's all going well there. I only have three more weeks until finals. I only have two tests and one presentation, and the tests are unit exams, so nothing about the whole semester. Yay!

- Thomas and I are going to start trying to conceive next month. At least, that's the plan. We are both going to talk and think about it between now and then. We are actively working to change some habits right now, and so far it's going well!

- Uh. I'm on tumblr. A LOT. I have a roleplaying blog that I use. Actually, I have two! An original character and Acheron from the dark-hunters series. I also have a sometimes NSFW confessions blog about Benedict Cumberbatch.

- I'm obsessed with SuperWhoLock now. All of them. Tumblr made me.

- Did you all saw The Wedding Speech that Tom from McFly did? If you haven't, I'll be a little surprised. It went international. It gave them more exposure. Rumor is that more American shows will be around this summer or fall.

That's it. Maybe I'll start back up her. I'm sorry I haven't been on here. I thought about it A LOT, honestly, but I couldn't come by to write.
tabitha renee
17 January 2013 @ 02:49 pm

We are getting around $2,500 together back on taxes. I got half of my semester paid for by a grant, and the other half I added to my student loans. With the refund check we will get from that, it will be another $2,300 in my bank account. This is great - we are so broke it ain't funny. I can pay off some of my student loans, put some in savings for a trip to Missouri, and maybe have some other things taken care of (clothing, food, main bills).


It's all good. Still working on sexual things, but it's way better than it has been. I think it was cause of stress and self-esteem. Now that my mental stuff is good, I think it's affecting my self-esteem a bit and making me feel more sexual. I think Thomas is more stressed about life than I am right now, so..


I think I failed my biology lab quiz. It's all about measuring variations or whatever, and I couldn't remember which why the decimal went to make it another measurement! My first School Visit is on the 28th. I need to buy some 'professional' clothing, but I won't get my money until AFTER that. I have no idea how I am going to get that. I need new shoes, new pants, and maybe even a new shirt. I am also trying to be more social. At least doing partner projects is getting easier.

That's all I got. I haven't read any of your stuff - my attention just won't let me :) Hope you are relatively well! If not, hope something good happens for you soon!
tabitha renee
10 January 2013 @ 06:21 pm

Here I am! I've been busy and not interested in writing I suppose. Last time I talked about my obsession with Hawaii Five-0 - still there! Also loving Once Upon A Time, Supernatural, Big Bang Theory, My Little Pony:FiM, and Doctor Who - ummmm, not sure why I listed them, but maybe because my time is taken up by watching them?

I like school - this was my first week! I have a "Healthy Wealthy And Wise" class which is, obviously about what the title calls it. It's rather easy and the instructor is engaging.
General Biology is my least favorite, but at least the instructor does his best to keep my attention while taking notes.
Political Science is really cool - it's a 'teaching' one that talks about education and democracy and it's policies and how we, as teachers, can be "advocates".
TE100 (Teacher Education) is a bitch of a class. We have a lot of writing, and we have to spend a lot of money in there. We have to go do school visits, on our own money. We also have a huge presentation at the end of the semester. We are have to do a community service project. Lots of things in this class - excited but a bit scary due to my fear of people.

Thomas and I have had trouble with sexual interest in the past - mostly me. It's been really about my self-esteem, or lack of since I found out I gained 40 pounds in a short amount of time. Anyway, since we've talked, AND since I've been seeing my therapist, it's been getting better.

I have a busy life, but I'm liking it. Keeping myself busy helps me focus on good things.

tabitha renee
16 December 2012 @ 05:19 pm
I am getting obsessed with the show Hawaii Five-O because of this man...

This show, and this guy, are both becoming, like, McFly level of obsession. It's a little embarrassing, but my husband takes it in stride. He kind of feels uncomfortable, though, because his character is a Navy Seal military dude, and I love those type of heroes in plots and Thomas says he will never look like that. I told him it's just a character, and no one compares to him. Anyway, Steve McGarrett/Alex O'Loughlin is THE guy on the book covers/plot lines of my favorite books.

Anyway, nothing is happening, really. Just working and getting ready for school.